I don't have time to write a lot today, but I really wanted to take the opportunity to share while I'm feeling happy (and don't have any embarrassing moments to tell about). I can't claim any great victories today, because I honestly wasn't even with the children for most of the day, or with Jim. But I did have some very sweet time in the Word and in prayer this morning, and just have felt fortified and sheltered. As much as I felt under attack yesterday, today I felt shielded. I believe that the Lord just gave me a reprieve today, and His sweet presence "to cheer and to guide."
He also gave me some wonderful friends who provided me counsel...support...and, well....chocolate doesn't hurt either. So thankful for the women He's placed in my life.
There's a quote from Eric Liddell (Chariots of Fire) in which he says "God made me fast, and when I run, I feel His pleasure." There have been a handful of times in my life, always when I felt I was right where God wanted me to be no matter how difficult the situation, and I really believed that I could feel His pleasure. This situation isn't anything like the other times (our adoption trip to Ethiopia comes to mind), but I am feeling that sense of God's pleasure now, and it feels sweet. I know that I am stumbling and failing my way through this, but I am finding joy, and am full of hope.
We did have dinner all together tonight, and I was intensely award of how much I was enjoying the children. I couldn't even tell you whether anyone had their feet on the chairs. I truly didn't notice. :) I also walked past the girls' room at bedtime and saw one of the girls swinging from a bar on a top bunk. I have a whole repertoire of sharp corrections which I normally might spout off about that (they might start off with, "How many times have I said...", or "You know better than to be...", and the words would be carried on a voice thick with irritation. You know, it was just as easy to say lightly, "Hop down, please," and just keep on walking. I had seen her face...she had frozen mid-swing when she saw me noticing what she was doing. She must have been steeling herself for whatever sharp correction she was expecting. That little girl and I both felt pretty good about the whole encounter. :)
I have one parting thought for the day. I love Amy Carmichael, and long ago memorized a quote from her book If. Here it is:
If a sudden jar can cause me to speak an impatient, unloving word, then I know nothing of Calvary love. For a cup brimful of sweet water cannot spill even one drop of bitter water, however suddenly jolted.
This is where I want to live....so brimful of sweet water (living water), that I cannot spill a bitter drop. Isn't that a good dream?