Monday, February 22, 2010

Because I am His

The other day I was telling  a friend that I used to wonder whether I would think our adopted children were "cute."  I know that probably sounds awfully shallow, but if you're a mother you know that your own children are always beautiful to you.  Our four "biological" children may not be the most beautiful children in the world to everyone else, but they are to me.  From the first moment I saw those wrinkly little faces as they emerged from birth, I was rapt.  They were, and still are, perfect to me.  And so I wondered, would I have this same unreasonable pleasure in gazing at the faces of the children God brought to our family through adoption, or was this a response that was somehow born through the process of biology and birth?  Well, now I know.  We frequently receive pictures of Yoseph and Mihret from the care center where they are living.  And they are, of course, the most beautiful children there.  (To me!)  My eyes are instantly drawn to them in a picture of a dozen other children.    I love them , and I delight in them. Because they are mine. 

And as I've been pondering this, God has kept showing me a deeper truth. Recently I was laying in bed wondering how God can look at me with any favor when I am so unlovable.  Being in a stressful, busy time definitely puts me in a position of being very aware of my sinful nature.  To paraphrase Paul, why do I do the things I don't want to do (get impatient, stressed, and out of sorts, fail to sit at the feet of my Lord), and I can't do the things I want to do (be patient, loving, kind, faithful)?  I have been feeling sometimes far from God, and often failing Him.  And I was struck with the truth that He doesn't, of course, love me because there's anything worthy about me.  He loves me because I am His.  Because He has adopted me into His family, I am beautiful to Him.  Because of Christ's death and resurrection, I am a sister and daughter in His family. He sees me as His own. Yes, of course I've known this before.  But now...I get it.

I think Mihret and Yoseph have already taught me more than I will ever be able to teach them.

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