Crying at Kroger and other random thoughts...

I've just come home from Kroger.  (I know, I know...you're expecting a post about having just come home from Ethiopia...it will come.)

So this was a new experience.  Standing in the parking lot of Kroger and just...weeping.  I felt my stomach turning when I walked in, but I hadn't eaten, plus am having adverse effects from the antibiotic I'm taking for malaria, so I chalked it up to that at first.  But it wasn't the antibiotic, or the empty stomach, it really was my gut response to the culture shock.  So.  Much.  Food.  So much stuff.  So little gratitude, so little turning one's eyes to God in thankfulness, so little consideration of how much has been given to us and how much is expected of us.  And a few minutes later I found myself back in my kitchen, again weeping.  Trying to share my heart with the kids...to make them see. (You should have seen their faces; big eyes, alarmed, wondering what's wrong with Mom...poor kids!)   James 1:27...religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this; to look after widows and orphans in their distress, and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.  This is really the bottom line for me...it is just so stinkin' easy to be polluted by the world. But HE knows it.  Our Father knows us, and in mercy He gives us the antidote to the poison the world feeds us.  Look at the widows and orphans.  Look at the ones who are hungry, poor, lonely, distressed.  Look at them and do something about it. Love the things He loves, keep your eyes and heart and hands and feet there.  When we do, we are in His presence.  Because He is there too.  We are intimate with Him...we are washing His feet, clothing Him, feeding Him.  It is an experience that is indescribably sweet, satisfying, addicting...it leaves us wanting more.  It fills us up and makes the "pollution" of the world detestable to us.  So often, we look at God's exhortations to care for the needy as a burden.  We are likely to act out of duty, or even guilt.  We miss the truth...that He is giving us a privilege...He is inviting us into His presence...He is sharing His heart...He is calling us into a banquet.  He isn't placing a heavy burden on our shoulders...He is taking one off.  He wants to refine our appetites...wants us to taste and see His goodness.  And oh, how good it is; how sweet.

In a few days, or a week or two, I will walk into that same Kroger, and I will not weep.  I'll push my cart, glance at my shopping list, drop the items in without a thought.  I'll talk on my cell phone while I shop, or chat with the kids about our weekend plans.  This is where I live; and truly, I'm not serving anyone by crying at Kroger.  But I can, and I will, keep fighting the pollution.  I will remember how weak I am; how susceptible to the "charms" of the world, and I will keep asking Him to help me.  I will keep asking Him, every morning (and afternoon, and night) to show me where to turn my eyes and put my feet.  To fill me with the sweet satisfaction of His presence...I am hungry for it.  I will keep asking Him for wisdom in how I can whet my children's appetites for what is good and true and right.

I do not have the wisdom to know what this is always supposed to look like.  I don't know how we balance living here in suburban America with dying to ourselves.  I don't think we necessarily have to sell everything we own...but we need to be willing to do so.  I don't think we should be unable to enjoy all of the blessings available to us...but I never want to cease knowing and acknowledging that they are from His hand and they are His.  And I do believe, for my family, that we should be weighing every choice we make...the way that we spend our time, our money, every resource we have...according to His priorities.  Seeking His heart in all of it, and always, always, receiving back far more than we can ever give.

God is good.  We are blessed.


Happy Thanksgiving everyone.  In everything give thanks.

One Hour

Leaving in an hour.  Only this thought for the morning:

Trust in the Lord, and do good;

dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.

Delight yourself in the Lord,

and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;

trust in Him, and He will act.  He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,

and your justice as the noonday.

The steps of a man are established by the Lord, 

When he delights in his way, though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong,

for the Lord upholds his hand.

:)

Almost There...

Our flight leaves in about 12 hours.  We'll have to leave here at around 6:30 am for our 11 am flight.  Bags are packed, R is in bed...I hope to be in my bed in a few minutes.

I'm not feeling particularly articulate about the whole thing.  I find myself feeling awed by this opportunity...this gift.  I honestly have an image of myself just taking His hand and heading off, not really knowing where He will take me.  The blessing of having the opportunity to just love the ones He loves...it feels overwhelming to me right now.  I can't even imagine what I will have to share on the other side of this trip.

Please pray for R.  My specific prayer for her is that God will use all that she sees and experiences to draw her to Himself.  She's a 13 year old girl with a tender heart, and it will be easy for her to grow in her compassion for those who are "less fortunate" than she.  It's likely that she will experience pain, grief, even guilt, as her eyes are opened to the realities of poverty and need.  But I don't want her heart to be turned to the poor and needy for their sakes alone.  I am longing and praying that she will have her Father's heart.  That she will be driven to trust Him, to turn to Him and long for Him in a way that is new to her.  That she will be able to lay all of the pain and suffering she sees in His hands, right along with her own life.  And that she will see the joy...oh, that she would experience the pure joy.  The mysterious duality that she will be used by Him to serve His little ones, and at the same time have the unspeakable privilege of serving Him...washing His feet.  For whatever you do unto the least of these by brothers, you have done it unto Me.  She knows the words, but now...she might really know. Oh, that she might really experience deep intimacy with Him.  Please pray with me for this.  By the way, when she found out that Meseret (the 14 year old girl that we sponsor) likes blue jeans, and that they are hard to come by, she decided to pack extra clothes and leave them all in Ethiopia.  She's planning to come home with just the clothes on her back.  Oh, and the gifts she buys for her brothers, sisters and friends.  She's been saving her babysitting money for months!

We will be landing in Addis Ababa at 7:45 Saturday morning, check into our Guest House, and head straight for Trees of Glory, one of the two Carepoints at which we'll spend most of our time.  With the exception of Tuesday, we'll be at the Carepoints from morning 'til evening every day, working with the children.

We have four bags packed (plus our carry-ons), and three of them are completely filled with donations and supplies for the Carepoints.  (The fourth is mostly our personal stuff, along with our gifts for our sponsored child, and gifts for an Ethiopian friend we'll be meeting on Monday).  All four bags are very close to the 50 pound limit, so that's at least 150 pounds of donations.  We have been absolutely amazed at God's provision for this trip; for these children.  Thank you so much to all who have donated supplies, or given us money to purchase them.  You are all going into Ethiopia with us!!

Back on November 21st!

Counting Down the Days...and Packing...

Feeling so blessed.  I went to a birthday party yesterday with Y, MJ, and A.  The party was for the most precious little sweetie from our church who was turning 3 years old.  Her parents asked the guests to skip the b-day presents, and instead asked everyone to bring...donations for our trip.  It almost took my breath away when her mom told me about it.  All of the children had a great time at the party, and we came home with a big box of donated school supplies; crayons, markers, glue, scissors, stickers...you name it.  We also brought home the rest of the items which had been donated by folks from our church, combined it with donated items we already had at home, and today I set out to pack it up.  It looked like so much, and the boxes were so heavy, I really was afraid we wouldn't be able to fit it all.  Here's the picture of the donations before I packed them:

R and I can each bring two bags, weighing no more than 50 pounds each, plus one carry-on.  We've already committed one of our four bags to blankets (the team is aiming to take a blanket for each of the 300 plus children we'll be serving; it's cold at night in Ethiopia, and many of the children don't have a blanket of their own).  We also need to take supplies to do a Bible story and craft with about 400 children.  Then we'll need to take our own personal things (we're trying to limit that as much as possible).  

I was able to fit all of the donated school supplies into one bag, and it weighed almost exactly 50 pounds!  Amazing.  The blankets fill one bag.  The craft supplies only filled about half of a bag, and only weighed about 20 pounds, so I'm excited that we actually have room for a lot more donations.  We can fit at least 25 pounds of donations into the bag with the craft supplies, plus whatever space we have in the bag with our personal stuff (I haven't tried to pack that yet).  If anyone wants to pick up any more school supplies to send along, we have 10 more days to go!  Below are the three bags I've packed so far; the blue one has the craft supplies, and has lots more room to be filled.  The children at the Carepoints DO NOT HAVE access to crayons, markers, glue sticks...etc., etc.  They don't have money. There is no Walmart.  I was really struck, as I looked at the wealth of donations I was packing, at how much I take for granted.  I do feel privileged to be given the opportunity to deliver this wealth of gifts to the children at Kind Hearts and Trees of Glory.  I don't want to have an extra square inch of space, or free ounce of weight, available in those bags when we leave.  Our family will take one last trip to Walmart next weekend to fill any remaining space.  I know that I will be coming home with my heart full...and my bags empty.  Thanks to all who are helping with this.

Unadoptable is Unacceptable

Thank you, Daddy.

Jim gets up before anyone else is awake, as he leaves for work quite early.  Usually when I get up later he's in the living room with his coffee and his bible, the house still quite and still.  This morning when I came down, he was sitting in his usual spot, but there was loud music coming from the kitchen.  The kitchen door was closed, and I assumed that E was up doing schoolwork in the kitchen (he gets an early start some days).  But no one else was up.  Jim said that he got up this morning feeling a bit discouraged.  But as he came downstairs, he heard his favorite Third Day song blaring from the dark kitchen.  He went in to find the music coming from my laptop.  Which was closed.  I was using it before going to bed last night, and hadn't shut it down.  But there hadn't been any music playing.  And I had closed it.  Don't know about you, but my laptop doesn't generally start playing music on it's own...after it's been closed, and in the middle of the night.  Jim opened it up and saw that the music was from a playlist on a site with which he wasn't familiar (it was a blog I read sometimes).  He said that when he saw what was going on, he just decided to "go with it," and he worshiped.  He just raised his hands and worshiped.    


Do you think God works that way?  I do.  James 1:17 says, "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."  


Do you suppose that the "Father of Heavenly Lights" can play music on a laptop? (Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us...).  


Do you imagine that He knows your favorite song? (You perceive my thoughts from afar...You are familiar with all my ways...).


Do you believe that He wants to encourage you?  (Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.  For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.)


I am so often inclined to miss His hand upon me.  To evaluate all that happens through the lens of human reason.  How much do we miss when we do that?  When we simply fail to look up?  To remember that every good and perfect gift is from above, and to just bask in His love and goodness?  To say thank you?


When I was in college, just coming to know my Father, I knew a young man who was in love with Him.  When this young man prayed, he called God "Daddy."  It was foreign to me at the time, and even uncomfortable...relating to God that way.  Imagining Him loving me that way.  But now, with so many years to look back on, so many memories of experiencing His loving hand upon me...I get it.  It's no stretch at all for me to imagine my husband turning on some music to encourage one of our sons or daughters.  Knowing that they were needing encouragement, and knowing them well enough to offer it in a way that would bless them.


So thank you, Daddy.  Thanks for the encouragement for Jim, and for me.  And for all of the children, who heard their earthly daddy share this story with them this morning, with tears in his eyes. 


Oh, and by the way, here's the link to the blog with the music: A Place Called Simplicity.  It's a favorite of mine, and well worth reading, but seriously...the play list is fabulous.   :) 

On My Heart...

Generally when I blog about adoption, I'm telling stories about our family's experiences.  But adoption is on my mind and my heart a lot.  Not just it's impact on our family, but God's heart for adoption, and how that should play out for us as Christians.  When we were in the process of adopting Y and MJ, we connected with a sweet family who were adopting their two girls from the same "care center" (orphanage) where Y and MJ were living at the time.  We were very concerned about Y, and working hard to get help for him due to his extreme malnutrition.  This sweet mom was in Ethiopia while we were waiting to go get Y and MJ, and she took the time to check on our children, love on them, and give us some peace of mind while we waited.  She has since adopted again, and has become an advocate for orphans (through Children's Hope Chest).  She wrote a post today on her blog, Steadfast Minds, about her heart for adoption.  She also included a video I love; the video for the Third Day song Children of God.  Thanks, Jessica.